


think of him (and nothing else)

by nepentheosileus



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Post-Hanoi arc, Revolver on team Playmaker, Revolver redemption, Spoilers for Revolver's identity, Written after episode 43, speculation piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 09:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13972302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nepentheosileus/pseuds/nepentheosileus
Summary: Yūsaku thinks about Revolver and remembers walls as white as blinding pain. Likewise, Yūsaku thinks about Kōgami Ryōken and remembers a voice not unlike a soothing lullaby. He allows these memories to flow as one through his head until they are one, because Revolver and Kōgami Ryōken are the same person inside and out.





	think of him (and nothing else)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in my Creative Writing class today because I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT KOGAMI RYOKEN.

  
Yūsaku thinks about Revolver and remembers walls as white as blinding pain. Likewise, Yūsaku thinks about Kōgami Ryōken and remembers a voice not unlike a soothing lullaby. He allows these memories to flow as one through his head until they are one, because Revolver and Kōgami Ryōken are the same person inside and out. While Revolver is a _threat_ and Ryōken is a _sanctuary_ , their corresponding connotations could, in theory, be switched.

 

Because Kōgami Ryōken is the prize for which Yūsaku has fought Revolver, but Kōgami Ryōken _is_ Revolver, and nothing makes sense anymore.

 

_(Ryōken looks at him, his eyes like ice. “Our relationship will never be what one would consider healthy,” he says, and in his voice lays a deep sadness tinged with hues of regret. Yūsaku knows he feels guilty for all that he’s done and furthermore, all that he could have done._

 

_Tried to do._

 

_“Don’t worry about it,” Yūsaku reassures him. He isn’t sure if he sounds all that comforting; truthfully, he’s never been good at that kind of thing. “I don’t think either of us have ever been healthy anyway.”)_

 

Ryōken is the voice in his head, the ghost that lingers behind his eyelids, a soft whisper on the wind that promises safety and comfort. Yūsaku thinks about him and feels nothing but warmth in his chest. When he thinks about Revolver, the enemy and the keeper of lost truths, he likewise feels warmth in his chest, only this time it’s more of a scorching burn that lights the flames of his heart. Revolver is his _downfall_ and Ryōken is the _Angel_ that lifts him back to his feet.

 

But they’re the same person, and really, Yūsaku should have seen this coming. Fate had never liked him much, after all.

 

_(When Yūsaku wakes up, Ryōken’s sleeping face is the first thing he sees. They’re facing each other, heads rested on their respective sets of folded arms, and their breaths mingle in the air between them._

 

_“Hey,” Yūsaku whispers. Ryōken’s eyes twitch beneath his eyelids, but he shows no signs of waking._

 

_The must have fallen asleep while researching the latest string of events, although Yūsaku is fairly certain that he’d nodded off before Ryōken, meaning the other had simply let him sleep. “You look tired,” he’d said earlier that day, and Yūsaku supposes there’s no denying it now that he’d gone and passed out in front of the computer._

 

_He was tired. So very tired. Of everything, really. It seemed like the world would never give him a break._

 

_But looking at Ryōken’s peaceful, unguarded face, Yūsaku decides that there is at least one thing he has yet to tire of.)_

 

And Yūsaku knows it’s probably wrong to feel so safe in the presence of someone who’d played a big part of his dark past -- a past that still haunted him no matter how much time passed, that still flashed in his mind whenever the lights went out and could no longer fend off the shadows within him. He shouldn’t trust Ryōken like he does, _but he does_. He shouldn’t crave closeness between them like he does, _but he does_.

 

He shouldn’t hang onto Ryōken’s every word, cherish the voice that caresses his ears like a lover’s sweet whisper. He shouldn’t feel so disappointed when another hand isn’t holding his own; a hand that’s marred with a crimson pattern from times that are behind them, but always just at their heels.

 

Shouldn’t love Ryōken, if that’s what you’d call this tragic fluttering of his heart whenever ice blue eyes peer into his own.

 

_(Their first kiss is brief and full of awkwardly placed limbs. Yūsaku isn’t sure where to put his hands, and belatedly he settles them loosely on Ryōken’s slim hips. Ryōken’s left palm is warm where it lays flat on his shoulder, and his other hangs loose by his side._

 

_Lips press against lips, mouth to mouth, face to face -- chastely, quickly, almost timidly do they meet each other in the middle, a mutual decision. This is on the both of them, they’re both choosing this path, and for once it has nothing to do with fate or destiny or anything other than the firm touch of fingers dancing up Yūsaku’s neck to cup his face almost lovingly, or the way his own fingers are nervously digging into the fabric of Ryōken’s jacket._

 

_They pull apart as one entity, as though they’d never truly been whole before. Yūsaku feels the warmth in his chest expand as Ryōken looks at him, his face showing just how anxious he is with his feelings exposed, and in the reflection of his eyes Yūsaku sees that his expression looks much the same._

 

_“Thanks,” he says, for lack of anything better to say. It’s as though any ounce of intelligence he’d previously had was zapped from his body._

 

_And Ryōken suddenly lets out a little incredulous laugh, the noise bubbling up in his throat and sounding as though it got stuck halfway to his mouth. “You’re welcome..?”_

 

_And he kisses him again.)_

 

Yūsaku thinks about Revolver and remembers white walls that resonated _hope_ over _pain_. Likewise, he thinks about Kōgami Ryōken and remembers a familiar voice inelegantly choking out an embarrassed, _“I think I love you, Fujiki Yūsaku.”_

 

Because Kōgami Ryōken is Revolver and Revolver is Kōgami Ryōken, and both of them hold a little bit of light to the darkness in Yūsaku’s heart.

 

 


End file.
